For awhile now I have felt far from God. I feel like I can't hear His voice, like I can't feel him near me. It is such an empty place to find myself. I have to believe I'm not the only to ever feel this way. In fact I know I'm not. I spoke with a friend about just this thing this very evening, and she stated she too found herself in the desert place.
I find most of the time I surrender in worship through music. Well it all seems like same old same old. We did that song last week, I don't like it when it's sang this way, I just seem to find fault in all of it. And that has never been the case for me. As a general rule I can find joy in all music. I don't want to go to a concert. Psalm 98:4 shout for joy to the Lord, all the Earth, burst into jubilant song with music. I want to go to a revival. I want to feel the holy spirit moving in the room. I want to have the holy spirit move in me. I love the way our pastor preaches, he is a very gifted speaker. But, again because I am going through the motions nothing penetrates my soul. Nothing stirs within me. I feel like a Zombie!
I don't like this feeling. I am so in love with the Lord, and I know he never leaves our side so this is something going on inside me. I am not within His will or it would be easy to hear Him, and all the blaming others for not feeding my fire will not change that fact. My soul is weak and worn out and I need to be strengthened through Him.Psalm 18:32 It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. No human can be held responsible for that.
I tell you all this simply to share my struggles as a Christian. I don't tell you this to snuff out any of your fire but simply to be transparent in my walk. I am not perfect, but I am trying. I desire to be ignited. I will continue to pray and continue to worship with what I have to give right now, and I will pray for revival within myself. Psalm 85:6 will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you? And God is faithful even in this dry place.
God bless and keep you, Ms Jill
4 comments:
Awww Jill, I think everyone goes through those spurts. For me, I find that I really want to do a Bible study but am clueless as to how. I find that when I study, I feel 'renewed' and I need that feeling.
Love ya Jill. I miss you greatly.
Maybe we should start a womens study this summer. Let me know if you want to we can do it in the evening at my house :-) Ms, Jill
I would LOVE to!!! Just tell me when and where:)
=]
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