Need a break

I find myself trying to work some things out with God. And I am taking a break from the blog for a while. I will continue to pray for all of you

Comparison and competition

Comparison and competition are the enemies of joy and contentment. I know because for years I've struggled with it and watched other women fall victim to it as well. In fact I think it's one of Satan's favorite tools to use against us women. I have reached a point in my life where I won't allow these thoughts or emotions to take hold of me any longer! Every time a thought of why not me?, or why them? pops up I will take it captive and refuse to let it have control over me or my thoughts. In fact I will say aloud I conquer all things through Christ and this is just a sinful thought or emotion and I will not allow it to take root in my heart, I won't allow to entangle my mind. I will not allow it to consume my time, or taint my witness. And I may continue to struggle, but I also will continue to fight. Proverbs 14:30 a tranquil heart gives life to the flesh but envy makes the bones rot. That's a good word y'all. God bless and keep you, Ms. Jill

Better and better

This week started out kinda rough. Had to take care of some things and stand up for myself, and friends sometimes that's hard! But, if I say I'm going to stop striving and live happy that means in all areas of my life. I don't want to constantly be worrying what people think and how they feel about me. Am I smart enough, am I good at what I do, am I a good fit for this. So I decided just to ask. I need to make some decisions in my life and in order to do that I need to know where I stand before making any moves. Y'all asking these questions was difficult, but I want to live more honestly and I want to stop being whatever I think other people want me to be or being what I need to be to fit in. See God created me to fit in somewhere without changing. And that's where I want to be. And that's where I want to live. Well since that day and tears shed, each day this week has been better than the last. It's been great! I heard some truths I needed to hear and also got some much needed atta-girls. We were able to work out some issues that needed to be addressed and corrected. And it was all handled in a way the Father would have been proud of. I'm trying very hard to live more spirit led and less emotion led. And as such I have been making some more grown up decisions. And God has been rewarding me for it. See He will bless those walking in His will. If you are living to please others and not the Father it might be time for you to reevaluate as well. I want to live genuinely and be confident in my walk. Psalm 71:5 for you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. God bless and keep you, Ms. Jill

And she "gained" favor!

Lately God's been laying on my heart the appealing characteristics of a Godly woman, and I have been praying He would point them out to me more so day by day. Today I've been reading in Esther and couldn't help but notice the differences between Queen Vashti and Esther. As we are introduced to Queen Vashti she finds herself in a 180 day party celebrating her husband King Xerxes. She is a noble woman the granddaughter of King Nebuchadnezzar accustomed to getting her own way, because of her royal heritage. People of this time simply did not say no to this girl. She is an amazing beauty, even more so than Esther. So she was also accustomed to some degree of getting her way solely based on this fact. She is living in a beautiful castle in fact God saw fit to describe it for several verses. And The description of its beauty and the decadent food and drink are not wasted on this former poor kid. I've always thought how lucky she was to be there, and I never understood how she could so flippantly throw it all away. Drunk King Xerxes sends his eunuchs to ask her to come to the men's party so that he could show off her beauty. And not just one eunuch but 7. He made a bit of a production of this. He was looking to impress these very important men. And SHE SAID NO! She refused. Now listen I get it she had partied with everyone for 180 days and then partied with the ladies for the next 7. He was drunk and so were the rest of the men. But, listen guys her husband, the king, who provided her a life we can hardly imagine called her to come down and be shown off. And her pride? Her circumstance? caused her to say in front of his eunuchs and the noble ladies and all of the visiting nobility that she would not be coming. No. Well I don't know about y'all but I've been here. Not exactly here. But still here. Filled with pride and stubborn will, and one of the things I've found in this situation is there is always a consequence... always. Her husband was enraged! And Followed the counsel of His advisers. And as a consequence she was refused to ever be in the company of the king again, and she was to be stripped of her position. Then we meet Esther. She is an orphaned Jew living with her uncle Mordecai. She was lovely. Upon arriving and meeting Hegai the kings eunuch and the one in charge of the harems and all the girls coming in to compete for the position of queen, she pleased him and gained his favor. Beth Moore puts it this way: She did not wait for favor to fall on her, or be granted to her she endeared herself to him Esther had people skills. Never underestimate the impact of God-driven, scripture quickened people skills, even in the most uncomfortable human encounters. Esther is not meant to teach us how to work people but how to work with people. Hegai went the extra mile because she was humble and likeable. She threw down her defenses and drew his favor without demanding it. She had manners. When the time came for Esther to go and meet the king she was allowed to take anything at all with her and she only used what Hegai advised. She was not too proud to listen and learn from a eunuch who knew the king very well. It says that she won the favor of everyone who saw her. Even the other ladies. She used good judgement and wisdom. Humility and gratitude. And 2:17 The king loved Esther more than all the women, and she found favor and kindness with him more than all the virgins, so that he set the royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti. There is so much to be said of all these beautiful qualities she possessed, and I hope to grow stronger in all the above. And sisters if you say but that's just not who and how I am, well it wasn't who and how I was either. I have learned these things and continue to learn daily. I can tell you being angry, proud, and "hating" everything does not endear us to anyone. No one says she is so negative and she's never thankful. She hates everyone and everything in her life at some point, in person, on facebook, through whatever means. I want to spend more time with her. I don't want to be a Vashti because at some point God will humble me. I want to be an Esther and allow Him to exalt me. I want the same for all of you. God Bless and Keep You, Ms. Jill

Worry??

Matthew 6:31 so do not worry, saying "What shall we eat? Or What shall we drink? Or What shall we wear?" 32 for the nonbelievers run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows you need them. 33 but seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well 34 therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. I know we've all read these words but today as I read them they really hit home. He knows you need them. I cannot imagine a loving Father knowing you need these things and withholding them from the children He loves. But first... seek first His face, His will and then obey. But if you're like me sometimes it's hard to show faith in the face of worry and fear. I wonder what about tomorrow, what about the ones I love? And forget He's already there and He's got this. Do you do the same? God bless and keep you, Ms. Jill

Good day :)

Today is a good day. I spent time with my church family in corporate worship and the spirit of The Lord was so present. I have truly missed this! I realize how important it is to my walk. Our pastor Matt said today that Christians are part of the problem and part of the solution. And friends how true is that? At different times I have been the problem, calling others out on their failings, carrying anger and hurt like a heavy weight around my neck. At other times I have been a part of the solution leading others to the love of a true Father, a redeemer, and giving them a glimpse of who He is to me. I want my future to hold a whole lot more of the latter than the prior. I am refocusing, and establishing anew that closeness I've had with Him. I've been so happy and content. I'm trying to change some things around me as well as some things within me. I am tired of striving. The only thing I'm striving for is a closer relationship and understanding with and of God. I am so in love with Him, and I desire the closeness He freely offers! I enjoyed sitting in the presence of others doing the same. It's good y'all! If in fact you don't have a church family to be a part of at this time, please feel free to message or email me. If your in Sweetwater come sit with me in the "bell tower" at Trinity. I would love it! God bless and keep you Ms. Jill

The why...

" I just want to see you happy, everything else will fall into place." Yes, I'm quoting my hubby. And yes he means every word of this. He is confident in who he is. He is confident enough to say big beautiful things don't change me and neither does not having them. Having people approve of me doesn't change who I am and neither does their disapproval. For a day I would love to live in his head and see how it all works. =] but in all seriousness! he knows who he is. God told him. He believed it. End of story. God doesn't have to continually remind him. So why does he always have to remind me. I don't ever doubt his love for me, but I struggle with the why. I mess up time and time again and He loves me! He created this amazing man to remind me of what He says in Romans 8:38 and I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. So there you have it. Rick's confidence doesn't lie with his goodness it lies with God's goodness. He's got that knowledge deep inside him. I want to stop relying on what Jill brings to this because mine is flawed. I want some of that good deep cellular knowledge, that God loves me because of Him... Not because of me..... I am good enough because of Him..... Not because of me.... And when He speaks words of life and love into me? I think I'll believe Him. And I think you should too. God bless and keep you Ms. Jill

His word is alive

Luke 5: 31-32 Jesus answered them, "Healthy people don't need a Doctor- sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent." That was my devotional this morning. Nothing else. I was blown away. See me and God were up most of the night talking. He was laying some heavy truths on my heart, and I was laying them right back at His feet. See for a while now, even though I've talked a good game, I've been trying to be the self made righteous. I've been trying to call out my goodness by pointing out the failings of others. Y'all that sucks! There's good news though. He came not to call the righteous, but those who know they are sinners(yes, I'm very aware) and need to repent. Check on that one too. So I repent. Again. And at some point in this walk I'll have to do it again. And you know what He says, then come again. Don't stay away from me and my grace because of shame, or pride. God bless and keep you, Ms. Jill