All or nothing

   So I've been thinking alot lately about the things God gifts us with and calls us to. I have to say I think there may be a difference, because in my day to day life I've noticed a lot of  apathy. You know there are people in this world who may be gifted with an artistic talent and their drawings are good, but if they aren't called to it and are just going through the motions it remains just good and at times just there =/ I don't say that to be hurtful in any way shape or form. I used to love to do murals and painted on them for hours on end. They filled me with joy and I woke up excited to get started and go at it again. I loved it! It filled many hours during a very difficult time in my life. I would go to the church with my little dog Frodo, and turn third day as loud as it would go and paint and lose myself in this form of worship! It blessed those around me and I was abundantly blessed as well. However, there came a point in time when I didn't feel called to it anymore. It became a chore and though the talent remained, it was different, because it was no longer a form of worship. It was a job just something to get finished because I had made a commitment.
   I don't ever want my worship to be given this way. Half hearted and thrown together at the last minute. So luke warm that my Jesus would want to spit it out. Done in a way that brings Him no glory! I don't want to do a last minute job with distractions at every turn and my focus taken from it's rightful place. I want to give it my all! In that vain there have been times in my life when people have decided I'm too much work or that they have to give more time than they should to work with me on projects. True I am a lot of work when I am engaged in worship! I always picture Him sitting in the sanctuary and since He is my "daddy" I wonder does this make Him proud? Has he found joy and Glory in the words I sing? In the brushstrokes I leave? In the prayer I offer up?
   I want to leave a legacy of praise to a father who has redeemed me in ways no one can imagine! A Daddy who stood between me and certain death that I 100% deserved! I KNOW that He gave His all for me and so I refuse to give less to Him! I am His beloved and He is mine and in all I do I want to Honor Him! To bring Him Glory! And I will fail without doubt but it will never be because of half hearted effort!
   So I say to you, do not be gray, neither black nor white! Do not be luke warm, neither cool and refreshing, or warm and comforting! Do not give halfway to Him because he's never given halfway to you!(Rev. 3:16)
   God bless and keep you, Ms. Jill

Stop it and get your butt to church!!

    For what it's worth, it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you are proud of. And if you find you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-author unknown.
   I have a friend who I always ask to come to church with me. One week this friend says to me," I can't go there. I know what people are saying about me, and so I'm not going!" I said first of all I've never heard anyone talk about you. Not that I would because I'm your friend, but listen, Are you doing something wrong? This friend did not answer. So I said Babe, if you're doing something wrong, stop it, and get your butt to church! In the same vain, If your not doing something wrong get your butt to church, if they're talking about you let them talk, God will take care of that! Either way the best place to be is at church!
   Now friends you don't have to tell me that you can be a Christian without going to church, I know. However, I also know it's alot easier to walk the righteous path with good Christian friends around you. I know that it is our human nature to walk more upright when we are answerable to fellow Christians. Are these Christians always gonna make the right choices and be a blessing and a soft place to fall? Nope, at times they will hurt you and at times you will be the one who hurts them. Sad but true. I refer back to the previous paragraph, stop what you're doing and get your butt to church. And there is nowhere better for them to be than in church.
   I know I have found myself filled with anger and bitterness and all manner of worldly things and had to admit I was not living a life I was proud of and had to start again. I am glad I did. I am beloved and proud of who I am becoming in him. So friends the only thing to be ashamed of is if you staunchly hold on to these sins and decide to keep your distance from the redemptive power He holds.Repent and be redeemed and remade! Please go back I promise nothing of this world is half as satisfying as a life lived in and for Him! 2 Cor:2:17 if anyone is in Christ, that person is a new creation. The old has gone the new is here.

The fine line

   Today I am grateful for the people in my life who listen to my confession without judgement, and who listen to my convictions without feeling judged. These are true friends and Christians. It's a fine line between holding a brother or sister accountable and in feeling judgemental, and it's a hard line to walk. I have fallen on the wrong side of it before myself. And as a baby Christian more times than I would care to admit. I felt that what made you a Christian was in standing in judgement of others actions and in feeling superior in saying well mines not as bad as hers. Well guess what kids your's is as bad as their's. God says a sin is a sin. Matt:7:2 says very clearly for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. So thank you again to these Christian women who hear my confession and give only encouragement toward better choices next time. And thank you to these women who can hear my admission of the convictions God has lain on my heart without feeling as though I am standing in judgement of them. I thank my God he has placed these women in my life. It's good to have a safe place to be transparent and discuss your walk with others. If you don't have a place like this I pray you find one.

   God bless and keep you, Ms. Jill

Me the mud and God

   OK lets do this thankful thing again =) Today I am thankful for yard work. Crazy right? Now don't get me wrong, I do not enjoy the back breaking weed pulling. I Don't enjoy the Texas heat. I don't enjoy the sunburn no matter how much sunscreen I use. What I do enjoy is the quiet. I don't listen to music I don't have any helpers, see this is me and God's time. We just talk. I tell Him all my woes and the woes of all those I love. He listens. I tell Him all of my triumphs, and give Him the glory in it. I talk. Like I would talk to a good friend. I don't hold back anything, cause I just don't see a reason to. I want Him to know me and I want to know Him. I covet this time. All my girlfriends know, that this is when I get my alone time in this very busy world. I steal the time by calling it chores. Believe me no one wants to bother me then, for fear that they may be called into this foreign land of chores (lol).
   Today I went outside with my house dirty and and my laundry unwashed. With errands needing to be run and honey do's going undone, I went out in the heat and pulled weeds from my yard and a few from my heart. I want to remove any hindrance to the Joy and closeness I share with my Father. And this just seemed like a great way to get back. So as silly as it sounds I sat with my father in the mud today and pulled up weeds. I heard Him and felt His peace, and I needed that. So I am thankful for yard work and all it entails.

Grateful He hears

   So in light of being grateful and turning my eyes toward God, I am thankful for a God who is loving and forgiving. Who knows my flaws and loves me just the same. Though I fail Him and many time and again, He calls me His. I am thankful that when I am rejoicing He rejoices as well and when I am lonely and empty He is close. One of my favorite songs is Never Alone by Barlow girls. " I waited for you today, but you never showed. I needed you today so where did you go. you told me to call, said you'd be there and though I haven't seen you, are you still there?"I find that the most natural thing in the world is to cry out to Him when we are broken. David a man after His own heart, did so....time and time and time again. Psalm 55:4 says My heart is anguish within me. Psalm 56:8 record my misery list my tears on your scroll are they not in your record? Psalm 22:2 My God I cry out to you, but you do not answer, by night but I find no rest. Habakkuk as well cried out to God. Habakkuk1:2 how long Lord must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you Violence! but you do not save? Of coarse in all these circumstances God is faithful and merciful to we his foolish kids! But I say these things to point out that in the bible, God's love story to us, He deemed it worthy to show us men that He loved and called out for service, mourning and feeling dry in their desert places. It is not wrong brothers and sisters. As long as you remember who He is and what He has done for us and praise Him even in the storm.And I thank Him that He is big enough to understand and to rally to lift us from these places. I feel my joy returning slowly and, I am thankful to all of you for your kind comments and messages, they truly mean the world to me. Truly!
   By the way the rest of the song is I cried out with no reply and I can't see you by my side. So I'll hold tight to what I know you're here, and I'm never alone! Amen sometimes we're just holding on to bible truths we know, and reminding ourselves that He is our joy and praising Him for He is good in all things! But it is OK to cry out to Abba (father God) even with all this in your heart and mind.
   God bless and keep you, Ms. Jill

P.S. to any who were offended by my transparency, I truly am sorry it is never my intent to Say anything hurtful about my precious Father or my beloved church family. I would be lost without either of them. Again no human is responsible for my revival or joy and I wish only to show my humanity in my walk and to let others know it is not a reason to turn from Him but to run towards Him.

While I'm waiting...

   Today was a good day. I am not completely revived but I am thankful for the blessings of this day. I received a great word from God through the mouth of my pastor. I truly was blessed by it. And we had communion at the altar this morning, and I stayed a while to hit my knees and talk with openess to my Father. I did not hear His voice but, I truly felt heard. I still miss the stirring in my soul that comes from worship through song. But, I know it will return to me in God's way in His time. And so I wait Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.
   I have decided that while I'm waiting, I will daily make a list of things God is blessing me with. I hope that this will help me to focus on the things that are not of this world. It is so easy to get down and to get far from God when you move your focus to the things that are wrong with your life instead of the things that are so right!
   Well it's not much but it's all I have to give you tonight my friends. God bless and keep you,
                                                                                                                    Ms. Jill
 

In need of revival

   For awhile now I have felt far from God. I feel like I can't hear His voice, like I can't feel him near me. It is such an empty place to find myself. I have to believe I'm not the only to ever feel this way. In fact I know I'm not. I spoke with a friend about just this thing this very evening, and she stated she too found herself in the desert place.
   I find most of the time I surrender in worship through music. Well it all seems like same old same old. We did that song last week, I don't like it when it's sang this way, I just seem to find fault in all of it. And that has never been the case for me. As a general rule I can find joy in all music. I don't want to go to a concert. Psalm 98:4 shout for joy to the Lord, all the Earth, burst into jubilant song with music. I want to go to a revival. I want to feel the holy spirit moving in the room. I want to have the holy spirit move in me. I love the way our pastor preaches, he is a very gifted speaker. But, again because I am going through the motions nothing penetrates my soul. Nothing stirs within me. I feel like a Zombie!
   I don't like this feeling. I am so in love with the Lord, and I know he never leaves our side so this is something going on inside me. I am not within His will or it would be easy to hear Him, and all the blaming others for not feeding my fire will not change that fact. My soul is weak and worn out and I need to be strengthened through Him.Psalm 18:32 It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. No human can be held responsible for that.
   I tell you all this simply to share my struggles as a Christian. I don't tell you this to snuff out any of your fire but simply to be transparent in my walk. I am not perfect, but I am trying. I desire to be ignited. I will continue to pray and continue to worship with what I have to give right now, and I will pray for revival within myself. Psalm 85:6 will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?  And God is faithful even in this dry place.
   God bless and keep you, Ms Jill