A little more about me!

I had a friend come by and look at the blog. She said "It's good but I expected you to tell more about yourself." Friends I am an open book. That being said it's a long read! Lol. I am more than willing to tell more about myself but lets maybe do it in short stories instead of a war and peace type novel. (heehee) I told you last time that I was not raised in the church and that is true. I was raised in an alternative religion. We were on and off again Jehovah's Wittnesses. If this is your religious preference please know I have no desire to offend you. I can only tell my experience. This faith was not about a love story and salvation was not guaranteed. Jehovah was a vengeful God who desired to catch you in your sin and offer up his wrath. The elders of the church were self righteous and preached about a God who was unaccepting and frankly uninviting. I now call it the Jesus in the closet theory. He was just waiting in there to jump out and catch me being a failure and punish me with great wrath! JESUS GONNA GETCHA!!! All I knew was if THIS was God I sure didn't want to be around him. And so it was an allegiance to an organization and not a relationship with a loving being. I did not want him to see who I really was so certainly I didn't want to speak the pain of my heart or the failures of my life. See I was a child who daily experienced abuses and good grief who wants to take one more beating from another father. This was NOT the God I desperately desired to have in my life. Even so friends, even when I didn't know what I was so longing for, I had a deep hunger that could only be satisfied by Christ. It is taught in this religion that leaving and joining another religion would result in eternal damnation. So I wouldn't worship there and I couldn't worship elsewhere! Until my first son was born and the need to give thanks was so overwhelming! I tried a small church that honestly was under a tense and internal fued that could be felt physically. The women were catty and so caught up in their own hurt or felt a threat from me and I walked into a room where they were fervently discussing how much I did not fit and was not wanted. Sadly that ended my attempt at Christianity for 5 more years. When my son was 6 years old as we read the bible he said what does that mean and I said I'm not sure. He so sweetly said " we should go to church momma, they know." And that was that. I began to look for somewhere to worship. I researched different religions and churches in our community. And I began to talk to different people. One of the sweet women from the church I had previously attended visited my home with one of the women who had been "chatting" about me when I left. She was so apologtic that this had happened to me, and that someone would do this. She didn't even remember that SHE had done it! I realized then and there that everyone is injured and failing and that most of the time it doesn't actually have anything to do with you personally. I returned to that church for a total of 5 years and though I still love them dearly they continue to be plagued by a divisive spirit and they represent a very disjointed part of the body of Christ. They have been hurt and wounded by one another and as a result, pride and pain have caused incredible scars that have yet to heal. Galations5:15 says If you keep on biting and devouring one another Watch Out or you will be destroyed by one another. During my time at this church I made a profession of faith. Looking back I don't feel I was truly saved at that time I simply knew this was the next step so.... I stepped. My salvation came in the middle of the night lying next to my husband and God showed me everything I had done wrong, and everything horrible that had been done to me. I was crying and I said why are you showing me all this? I can't go back and change it. I can't undo it. And I can't fix it. Jesus said but I can and I will never remember after tonight. That night I gave my life to God. I prayed the believers prayer and I came to know the God who I am so in love with now. And I feel Him so strongly everyday. I cannot imagine anyone could mistake those other idols as God! But I did and it was such a hopeless existance. Once you've encountered Jesus you will never be the same. I tell you the very atoms in your body will be changed. Does that mean you stop being you I don't think so but you are changed for the better. You have hope you have never known before and you can finally breathe. A weight is lifted from you and you begin to have purpose. Amazing love! I now attend and serve in a church that is truly alive! God is present and his voice is the loudest! They are our family and we are thriving in our Christian walk. Of coarse I am human and I fall and then have to get back up again. But I think thats the story and the path of a true Christian. There are ups and downs as you walk beside Him. But I will continue to walk beside HIM. I hope that you know this same love but if you don't, please email, message me, or leave a comment and I'll be glad to talk it over with you. He loves you! He wants to be with you and forgive you! I hope you will let him.

                                                                                                          God bless and keep you,

                                                                                                                       Ms. Jill