No such thing as "PET" sins...

So I've spoken of our pet sins before. I believe so many of us have them, if you do not, congratulations. My pet sin may look just like yours, but more likely it has it's very own appearance. The thing about pet sins is at first you are covered by that conviction and guilt. However, as time goes by, we grow more comfortable with them. We know what they are and the damage that they are capable of. However like any dangerous relationship, we tell ourselves we have control over it. But, that being said we don't want everyone to know about it. We say it's not as bad as all that and we hide it away in a closet. Every so often we take it out and feed it and pet it and become comfortable with it all over again. All the while, we look the other way while it eats and devours our souls and families, and all that God is trying to build for us. My pet sin is so comfortable I have carried it most of my life. I harbour a spirit of offense, pride, and jealousy. From time to time, I think I've conquered it. I confess it and move away from the closet I place it back into. But. I don't do away with it entirely. So that being said, tonight in a courageous bible study led by my dear brother Will Dunniven, it hit me. I get on here and I tell you the words my father has given me and then I go and pout in the closet with my pet sin. So in an effort to not just confess and keep this sin around, but to repent place it in the light and begin to remove it from my life for good I'm telling all of you. I do feel embarrassed to be saying these things and opening up my ugly closet for you all to see. But you know what, it will be worth it, if it helps me kill and do away with something that is keeping me from a truer relationship with my Father.

Ephesians 5:8-13 For you were once in darkness, but now you are light in the lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of light consist in all goodness,righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobediant do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.

God bless and keep you, Ms. Jill

Contemplating the cost of mental healthcare

   Wow, what a morning! I get up this morning with the intent to give my boys a happy treat and take them for donuts on the way to school. They do a wonderful job getting ready and finishing everything up. Then my oldest son comes into the bathroom and says mom Hayden is out of his ADD medication. WHAT?! Did I mention today Hayden has STARR testing?! Well he does and if he does not pass said test he does not pass 5th grade! Crap on a cracker!!! Now I lose my mind I am stomping my size 6 feet, and hollering and demanding explanations from these two boys who have obviously decided I am insane and are wondering how they will pay for my mental health care for most of their adult lives!
   I call my husband and explain this horrendous life shattering event.....and he said "OK" What? OK? How dare he not see the explosive impact of this!! I continue with my previous plan of fast tracking on the road to insanity! And that man has the nerve to say to me " I love you, do you think this is helping, or could there be another solution?" Aw man, he's right...gotta turn it around.
   How many times have I told my boys throwing a fit doesn't make it any better, but here I am knee deep in a hot fit! So now then, I have to tell them I'm sorry, and that we will figure it out, and that I was way out of line. Well guess what no one is perfect. And the only way your mistakes can become epic fails is if you refuse to accept them as mistakes and instead choose to deny any wrong doing. My boys know I'm a mess, and they know I love them and want the very best for them in any situation. They know I will mess up and offer apologies and fix whatever I can. They have a heart of mercy towards me, and they just love my stinkin guts!! So we moved on.
  We sat and we prayed together. I told them I was sorry and was forgiven. We moved on. I called our friend and pharmacist. He met me at the pharmacy and gave me one pill to get us through. Hayden took it like a big boy and we headed to Highland. I got Chance to text my boss and tell him I was running late and would be there asap. They got to school with ten minutes to spare and I was three minutes late for work. in all things  Romans 8:28 and we know that God works for the good of those who love him!
  
 

Get it together!

   Crap y'all, I gotta get it together. In all seriousness, I feel like it just becomes habit to be undisciplined. It is easy! It is so much easier to say; buy a bag of socks rather than wash that load of clothes tonight, to order a pizza rather than cook a healthy meal, to watch a movie rather than workout or to gossip and backtalk rather than submit and see others through our fathers eye's.
   I know I have been guilty of all these things and more. Brothers and sisters maybe you have as well. The bible is really clear about how God feels on these matters. Proverbs 13:18 says Whoever disregards discipline comes to poverty and shame. Well crud, I don't know about you but I have been poor and had more and more is better everyday. And as far as shame we are His children and i would never want to bring shame on His holy name because of my lazy actions.
   Hebrews 12:11 says No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. No discipline seems pleasant at the time. AMEN! I have never arrived home from 8hr's of work and thought it would be so pleasant to start some laundry and get a low carb supper going!! I have never thought I think that the most enjoyable thing to do right now while this person is spreading painful things about me or those I love is to see them through the eye of the one who loves them most!! And for goodness sake I sure don't want to drag these thunder thighs into a workout!! But, later it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace. AMEN AGAIN! I will have clothes to cover myself and my family. I will have a healthier and hopefully smaller body! And I will have a soul that is not daily poisoned by unforgiveness hate or strife. I may even find glimpses of myself in others faces!
     I want to do better, to be better but time and again I find myself undisciplined and unfocused and faltering to get back into right standing. To get it together! And every time I have to go back to my "Daddy" and say give me another shot?! And every time he is joyful to welcome me and you back! Lamentations3:58 says You, Lord, took up my case; You redeemed my life! Thank you God!!

Change is Good!

   We have had so many changes in our lives these last few weeks. My boys started at a new school. And they love it!! I kept feeling led to move them and prayed and prayed about it. I spoke with my husband who was not feeling the same leading in his heart. He is very much a thinker and I am very much a feeler. I found my boys were not being built up in their current situation but to the contrary they were being torn down. Not only by other kids but by irresponsible adults. Very sad but true. We were approached by someone working in the school system who said if she were in our situation she would move them as far from this situation as quickly as possible. Very much a wake up call! My husband and I went to tour Highland schools and the whole way out my husband assured me he was very sceptical and would need to be convinced. My God is amazingly big and knows and loves my precious hubby and I will say it took him one small hour to completely turn my husband onto the path he would have him go. And so we are now Hornets! My boys have quickly made friends and become involved in many activities within the school. The teachers in fact sought out my oldest son and brought him in to athletics and track. Wow an adult going out of his way to involve a kid in sports who will never be the star! Thank God for that man! My sons are being built back up! Thank you Jesus!!

   I have felt God's leading me to sing praise in my church for years and have never been able to. Though I have been blessed by my choir family! We have a new music minister and he is so open to having people sing and use their talents to glorify the lord! He has invited me on several occasions to sing with the praise team and sing specials and I feel so happy to be able to use the things God has given me in His service! I feel like God is well pleased in it as well! It is so much fun to be involved with such talented people as I find in this praise team! I find joy and freedom in singing His praise! Thank God for these opportunities!!
   I have been laying down old hurts and angers and have made great steps forward through the grace of God! I say through the grace of God because it has been a journey and at times I have failed (too many times to count) but I am laying it down again and again. I promise my father that I will continue to lay it down every time I am stupid enough to revisit these matters! My most precious girlfriends are a huge part of this, Continually slapping my hands and reminding me I am helping no one by constantly worrying over and stirring that pot!
   So I feel like my family and I are moving in such a positive direction. I feel like God has such amazing plans for us! We are his children and He is a wonderful father anxious to lavish us with His love!! So I know I have been neglecting my blog, but I am returning now renewed and refreshed! Blessings to all of you!

   God bless and keep you, Ms. Jill